Seminarian

                  There is an inclination in all of us human beings to sin. This is what is known as concupiscence. Though we try to be good and do good, somewhere along the line we fail and fall. I don’t completely understand why this dream came to me one night but the important lessons that I will mention at the end about my learning’s from this dream are of great value. In some way I feel some of the queries I had about the problem of evil have been solved due to this dream.

In my dream I was at home. The funny thing was, though I was at home I was following the timetable of the seminary or maybe was made to follow the timetable of the seminary by my parents. I had a cycle in that dream; I took that cycle outside the flat that me and my family were living in, but then I brought it again in the living room. I told my brother that I would dump the garbage after having returned from games. I told him that he should tell the reason to mom for having parked the cycle in the living room if she asked.

 

I went down the stairs happily. To my amazement I saw all my seminary friends and made my way to them. They were standing in the space between the 2 buildings that were cheerful. One of them was wearing a habit. He went to a shop nearby, after some moments he was out of sight.

I was surprised and shocked to see him coming back with a cigarette in his mouth. He was blowing it gloriously. None of the others were shocked or showed any signs of rejection to that kind of behavior. I was scandalized by their behavior or to name it in a better way ‘Chalta hei’ attitude. That seminarian then passed on the cigarette to another seminarian and it was being passed on.

I can’t explain the feeling that I had then in the dream. In some way I too felt tempted or dragged by the devil to have a puff, but my conscience reminded me of my identity. My conscience told me to be firm and not follow the bad example of the others. I refused the cigarette when a seminarian offered it to me. I thanked God then, for giving me His wisdom to make the right choice. I also thanked God that the other seminarian didn’t force me to take a puff or on my refusal didn’t make fun of me.

From this dream, I learnt that peer pressures are many in this world. God comes to our rescue if we call on Him and also when we don’t (Like in this situation). His voice is alive in us through the voice of our conscience. This conscience of ours needs to be formed or trained in the right way.

Shout

It is embarrassing to listen to your father when he is shouting out all accusations against you. Sometimes when you haven’t committed the mistake and are shouted at, it becomes somewhat irritating. I am writing a dream which I had one night where my father was shouting at me. 

It was a wonderful evening after college. I returned home, a little tired. I switched on the computer and was surfing some social sites, browsing through all that was put on it by various friends on mine. After some time my dad entered the living room; he wasn’t in a very good mood. Since I noticed it, I started logging out from all my accounts. Just then he came near me and started staring at the screen. I closed the Google Chrome window and was surprised to see another Google Chrome window open with something weird on it. I immediately turned back; he was still there staring at the screen. I closed this window too before shutting down the computer. To my amazement, just as I was about to shut down the computer, I saw another window open with some similar weird stuff on it; I looked back again and there he was still staring at the computer. He seemed to be a little angry, now he started looking at me and then at the computer. I thought, maybe something was wrong, but before I could ask him he started blurting accusations against me and began cursing the current young/ modern generation. After some time, I couldn’t take it anymore.

 

                I raised my voice two times that of his and told him that I was getting fed up listening to teachers retorting me in the college, friends taking my case always and my dad shouting at me without complete knowledge about a particular situation. I shouted at the top of my voice and tried to make him understand that those Google Chrome windows were open because they were the on-click ad sites which automatically opened. After having explained my side of the story, I looked at him but his face didn’t show any sign of having understood the situation; instead he shouted at me saying that I too like the other youth was lying to him instead of accepting the fact that I intentionally opened those Google Chrome windows.

                I felt as if I had wasted my time having tried to explain to him the truth of the incident. The moral that I take for myself from this incident is that:

1.       I must tell the truth.

2.       Explain my point of view.

3.       Accept reality as it is.

History

                Sometimes I begin to wonder and ask myself whether studying history makes any sense or whether it really helps me not to commit the same mistakes again. After having gone through school and college days I feel that history makes a difference, but the history I’m talking about is that of my own experiences. This helps me in the sense that us very personal to me because now I know from experience what works and what doesn’t.

                While I don’t completely reject theoretical history, I’m somewhat against history which has to be learnt so as to fill the answer paper during an exam. It is rightly said that education is about the filling of the mind but bringing. In the same way history is also not merely a subject to be studied, but something very dear to us which helps us every day.

Feeling

It was the 24^th of June, I was feeling little depressed. I shouldn’t have allowed that feeling to take over my senses. I don’t exactly know what the reason was but I was feeling really low. I wasn’t paying attention to what was being said in class. I was deep within the sad feelings of my mind and heart.

I was questioning as to why He called me here. I was feeling frustrated with the question. I was also blaming God for not having what other college students already have or are even roaming around with. I was not feeling like talking to anyone. I was totally overcome by all the negative feelings. When having, I wasn’t conversing much with my table members. I was feeling overcomes by all these negative feelings by now and needed to release off these feelings. After lunch, I went and stood in the Chapel. Slowly tears started rolling down my cheeks.

I felt relieved and free after coming out. As I began assessing/ evaluating these moments I came to the realization that I must have kept some hurt feelings in my heart which needed an outlet.

Love does matter

‘When it’s all been said and done, there is just one thing that matters. Did I do my best to live for truth; did I live my life for You?’ Thus go the lyrics of the song of Don Moen. I am convinced that this is what matters when it comes to life and our daily living. At the end of the day when we make an examination of conscience or just make a simple review of the day, we see as to how much good we were able to do to others and not how much money we made that day.

            This is the same measurement that God uses for us. At the evening of our lives, some of us become negative while some remain positive. When we go back to Him, the only question He will ask us is ‘How much love did you spread around?’ All of us very well know that LOVE is the basis and the criterion of our lives.

            However being human beings who are weak and fragile, we tend to falter and fall along on the path as we journey on the road called LIFE. Another person whose life is based on love; comes and picks us up. We are human beings whose lives are essentially based on LOVE. Love is the most powerful weapon the world can produce. This weapon can pierce or break through evil minds, jealous hearts, stiff necked thinking and so on.

            Jesus is the greatest example of love. He gave Himself up as a sacrifice for our sake. He could do all things He did precisely because His heart was filled with abundance of love. Other such examples are Don Bosco, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela and many more. All these people were filled love and expressed it in their own respective ways. We need to be persons who are filled with love and who reach out to others in need.